Love Matters

Racism hurts to watch. It hurts to see the videos, read the stories, and hear the news of another innocent, unarmed, black man killed by a white man. It hurts to know these instances happen as often as they do, that there is still so much hate or fear or whatever drives this behavior, still happening in our world today. I hate it for one of my bonus moms, Barbara. I hate it for our white friends who have a black son adopted from Ethiopia. I hate it for our black friends. I want to appologize to them all. I want to say I am grieving and angry with them. I hate it for our children. We desire to raise them loving their neighbor, regardless of differences.

As a writer, I want to put thoughts to words, but they fail me. I’m not eloquent enough nor do I understand the depths of our depravity as a society that continues to have these headlines. I write these words to get them out of my head where they spin until I let them out.

This is me and Cory, circa 1978. He was my first childhood best friend. Our grandmothers worked together in the kitchen of the CDC for St. John’s hospital in Tulsa, OK in the mid-seventies, so we spent our days together from the time we were born until we graduated out of the program. We were together so much, we fussed when we were put in our own cribs so we often napped together as babies, and were reprimanded for giggling during nap time as toddlers. I remember him so clearly and remember being heart broken about the fact that we wouldn’t be at the same Elementary school when we left the CDC. A few years later, Gram was invited by Rosie to a family member’s wedding and she took me with her to see Cory. We held hands during prayer, and listened as our grandmothers told stories about our baby years. Although I never saw him again after that wedding, I have always had such fond memories of him.

Satan is the author of fear and hate. He comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). God is love (1 John 4:8). He created man, ALL man (male and female) in His image (Gen 1). We are all image bearers of Him, and to those who call on the name of Jesus, we are brothers and sisters in Christ (Rom 8:17). We are called to love our neighbor as our selves (Matt 22:39).

As a general rule, we are not born with hate in our hearts. We learn by example and imitation how to fear and hate. My Gram, Cory’s grandmother, Rosie, and Erma (pictured below) worked together for several years. Other than my Mom and Gram, they are among the first people I remember loving me, wrapping me in hugs, knowing I was safe with them. My generation was raised by parents who were teens, and grandparents who were my age (mid-forties) when Martin Luther King, Jr. was killed. There was a real racial divide, especially in the way we were raised, either to fear and hate, or to love. I am so thankful I was raised in such a way, to love these precious friends despite the fact that my skin was a lighter tone than theirs.

I remember the first time I heard a racial slur. I remember that it took my breath and that it came from the mouth of an older white man I adored. It was glossed over by the fact that “he was raised that way”, but my parents made sure to express our feelings did NOT match his in our home. Likewise, we are careful to raise our children without stereotypes, loving their brothers, and sisters, of all skin tones and differences, learning to talk to, and ask questions of, or about anything, or anybody who is ‘different’ from them, so as to dispel the fear that tends to come with the unknown.

Maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know. But my broken-hearted self wants to believe God gave us a way to overcome hate with love. I know many non-believers will say this is just Christian rhetoric, but the saving grace of Jesus Christ is the only thing that will change a person’s heart. It’s not until we see our own depravity, depths of sin, ability to hate… Until we see our need for a Savior and understand our deserved punishment, can we begin to see that we are no different, no better, then any body else. We are not black or white or asian, or hispanic, or any other ethnicity…we begin to see that when God calls us to love our neighbor, to someone else, we are the neighbor…we are ALL created by God in the image of His Son. When there is no ‘better than’ because of color, sex, age, money, ability, status, education…. Only then can we learn to love others as we love ourselves. We are inherently selfish beings…watch a toddler if you don’t believe me….so this is not something we can will ourselves to do. We need the cross. We need Jesus. We need saving from ourselves, from fear, from hate. God is love. Satan was defeated at the Cross, but until we are called home, there is a battle raging for our hearts. Will you choose love or hate? God or Satan? There’s nothing else. It’s one or the other.

Search our hearts God, try us and know our thoughts, and see if there be any grievous way in us, and lead us in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24)!

To my brothers and sisters of color, I love you and am so sorry for the hate directed at you. I know this blog doesn’t help. I know hashtags don’t help. I know my apology is just words in a sea of many. But my love is sincere, and as I was shown love as a child, we are raising our children in the love of Jesus Christ, praying that love is demonstrated in the way they learn to love their neighbor.

Love,

~Julia